Sounds of Bardic Mystery Tour

by Bardic Mystery Tour

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This is a collection of spell songs from our guest bards as well as some other silly tunes we created for the podcast. This is a growing album, so keep checking back!


released August 27, 2018

Brayton Batson, Edd Batson, Emi Eisenfeld, and Victron Funkensein.


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Bardic Mystery Tour Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We're a band of bards solving mysteries when we're out on tour. We promise that you won't get bored. It's the Bardic Mystery Tour! (Liveplay 5e DnD Podcast.)

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Track Name: Derbyham - Wilbur's Special Sausages
Come on down to get some meat—
The prices can't be beat!
Wilbur's special sausages—
That tasty pork-free treat!
Track Name: Garagramosh - Buford's Bardic Inspiration
These sweet vibrations
Usually paired with much gyration
Not to mention several standing ovations
So sit your ass back son
While I ease your vexation
And give you some inspiration
Track Name: Garagramosh - Buford's Animal Friendship
Hey little guy
I see you sitting there
You look perturbed
That's absurd
Be my friend
Track Name: Ipii - Dispel Magic Scroll
If you're having a problem with silence,
You can't solve your troubles with violence.
To prevent your tale from being tragic,
500 GP — Dispel Magic!
Track Name: Ipii - Rhoda's Tasha's Hideous Laughter
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went
and then it dawned on me
This joke I just told was really bad
I realized after it was Tasha's Hideous Laughter
Track Name: Killthedral - Dirk's Light
I'm just a human I'm not a dwarf
So I can't see in the dark
If I'm gonna be in a fight
I have to see, so I cast light
Track Name: Killthedral - King Edward
King of Iron, long you reign!
For our judgement, rise again!
King of Iron, hear our plea!
Award us with the runic key!
Track Name: Los Prados - Grungo's Detect Pervert
I think they're peepin'
Through your fine shirt
So I'm casting
Detect Pervert
Track Name: Opir Magna - Brauwon's Dimension Door
I take my hits and I end up on the floor
There's no way that I can take it anymore
So I'll run for my life and I fall through the light of my Dimension Door
Track Name: Opir Magna - Brauwon's Dissonant Whispers
Man, it gets wild...
Man, it gets amazing...
I whisper sweet lies and you go crazy.
How does it feel, mister, to get caught in a dissonant whisper?
Track Name: Opir Magna - Brauwon's Healing Word
You got knocked on your back, you need a healin' word!
You got kicked straight in your ass, you need a healin' word!
There's an ogre on attack, you need a healin' word!
And you're runnin' outta gas, you need a healin' word!
Son of a gun, you need a healin' word!
Track Name: Opir Magna - Brauwon's Song of Rest
Ridin' into town at the end of the day,
I got nothin' left to do and nothin' left to say.
I got no more spell—no more energy left—
Only one little thing that is left to suggest:
Oooooh Song of Rest.
Track Name: Opir Magna - Breath of the Deep
The Player's Handbook...
Page one hundred and eighty-three...
Let's learn about suffocation...
"A creature can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 1 + its constitution modifier (minimum 30 seconds)"
The earth record holder is Budimir Šobat whose record is 24 minutes and 11 seconds...
He must’ve made a pact with a mermaid...
Branko Petrović is the real hero—he holds the unaided record at 11 minutes and 54 seconds...

*The More You Know*
Track Name: Prindeys Dooinnalys - Faerie Fire
Faerie Fire, outline my target:
Let me aim my strike with ease.
Track Name: Q'ar Wuraan - Dicotyledons
What has a broad leaf and network of veins?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has vascular bundles in rings?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has two separate seed pod leaves?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has pedals is multiples of three?
No, dude, that's monocotyledons.