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BMT Radio Ad
00:39
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We heard you like bards, and we hope that it's true.
It's all that we are and all that we do.
(A 5th edition D&D podcast)
We're a band, and we solve mysteries, too,
and every single monday, we publish at noon.
Style for miles and songs galore.
Subscribe today to Bardic Mystery Tour.
(Find out more at Bardicmysterytour.com)
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Come on down to get some meat—
The prices can't be beat!
Wilbur's special sausages—
That tasty pork-free treat!
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These sweet vibrations
Usually paired with much gyration
Not to mention several standing ovations
So sit your ass back son
While I ease your vexation
And give you some inspiration
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Hey little guy
I see you sitting there
You look perturbed
That's absurd
Be my friend
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If you're having a problem with silence,
You can't solve your troubles with violence.
To prevent your tale from being tragic,
500 GP — Dispel Magic!
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I stayed up all night to see where the sun went
and then it dawned on me
This joke I just told was really bad
I realized after it was Tasha's Hideous Laughter
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I'm just a human I'm not a dwarf
So I can't see in the dark
If I'm gonna be in a fight
I have to see, so I cast light
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King of Iron, long you reign!
For our judgement, rise again!
King of Iron, hear our plea!
Award us with the runic key!
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I think they're peepin'
Through your fine shirt
So I'm casting
Detect Pervert
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I take my hits and I end up on the floor
There's no way that I can take it anymore
So I'll run for my life and I fall through the light of my Dimension Door
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Man, it gets wild...
Man, it gets amazing...
I whisper sweet lies and you go crazy.
How does it feel, mister, to get caught in a dissonant whisper?
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You got knocked on your back, you need a healin' word!
You got kicked straight in your ass, you need a healin' word!
There's an ogre on attack, you need a healin' word!
And you're runnin' outta gas, you need a healin' word!
Son of a gun, you need a healin' word!
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Ridin' into town at the end of the day,
I got nothin' left to do and nothin' left to say.
I got no more spell—no more energy left—
Only one little thing that is left to suggest:
Oooooh Song of Rest.
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The Player's Handbook...
Page one hundred and eighty-three...
Let's learn about suffocation...
"A creature can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 1 + its constitution modifier (minimum 30 seconds)"
The earth record holder is Budimir Šobat whose record is 24 minutes and 11 seconds...
He must’ve made a pact with a mermaid...
Branko Petrović is the real hero—he holds the unaided record at 11 minutes and 54 seconds...
*The More You Know*
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Faerie Fire, outline my target:
Let me aim my strike with ease.
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What has a broad leaf and network of veins?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has vascular bundles in rings?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has two separate seed pod leaves?
Dicots! Dicots!
What has pedals is multiples of three?
No, dude, that's monocotyledons.
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Creeping, crawling, shrieking, moaning,
Something draws near.
Scratching, biting, rending, clawing,
I am your darkest fear.
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Fists of lightning!
Legs of thunder!
Get your butt outta here
or it's you I'll shatter!
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Grundledore is the best!
He is better than all the rest!
He fills me with happiness!
I could never love him less!
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Go to sleep. Go to sleep.
When you wake, you shall have
all the rest you could ask for.
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As thunder rolls across the plains
Chasing a lightning flash
And nature stands in silent fear of
events that soon will pass
The armies of hell are swelling now to enact their heinous plan
The tattered army of King Cilaud makes their final stand
The demon hoard's just one assault from ravaging the meek
As a shadow spreads across the field cast from the mountain peak
Lord Falcon!
Enemy of evil and the vile
Lord Falcon!
Banisher of wickedness for miles
Falcon sits astride his steed looming oh so large.
His warriors are at his side as they begin to charge
To turn the battle just in time against the demon horde
A thousand of the bravest men riding unicorns!
Lord Falcon!
Enemy of evil and the vile
Lord Falcon!
Banisher of wickedness for miles
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Don’t die on me, baby!
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You can do anything
You can do anything
You can succeed at the current task that you’re trying to do.
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Look into the pretty lights,
Look into my bardic eyes,
Where you don’t have to move at all.
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I go through the dimension door
Suddenly I’m over there!
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Clouds of daggers,
Shards of metal in the air!
Clouds of daggers,
Nothing can survive in there.
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Bardic Mystery Tour Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
We're a band of bards solving mysteries when we're out on tour. We promise that you won't get bored. It's the Bardic Mystery Tour! (Liveplay 5e DnD Podcast.)
