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Sounds of Bardic Mystery Tour

by Bardic Mystery Tour

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We heard you like bards, and we hope that it's true. It's all that we are and all that we do. (A 5th edition D&D podcast) We're a band, and we solve mysteries, too, and every single monday, we publish at noon. Style for miles and songs galore. Subscribe today to Bardic Mystery Tour. (Find out more at Bardicmysterytour.com)
Come on down to get some meat— The prices can't be beat! Wilbur's special sausages— That tasty pork-free treat!
These sweet vibrations Usually paired with much gyration Not to mention several standing ovations So sit your ass back son While I ease your vexation And give you some inspiration
Hey little guy I see you sitting there You look perturbed That's absurd Be my friend
If you're having a problem with silence, You can't solve your troubles with violence. To prevent your tale from being tragic, 500 GP — Dispel Magic!
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went and then it dawned on me This joke I just told was really bad I realized after it was Tasha's Hideous Laughter
I'm just a human I'm not a dwarf So I can't see in the dark If I'm gonna be in a fight I have to see, so I cast light
King of Iron, long you reign! For our judgement, rise again! King of Iron, hear our plea! Award us with the runic key!
I think they're peepin' Through your fine shirt So I'm casting Detect Pervert
I take my hits and I end up on the floor There's no way that I can take it anymore So I'll run for my life and I fall through the light of my Dimension Door
Man, it gets wild... Man, it gets amazing... I whisper sweet lies and you go crazy. How does it feel, mister, to get caught in a dissonant whisper?
You got knocked on your back, you need a healin' word! You got kicked straight in your ass, you need a healin' word! There's an ogre on attack, you need a healin' word! And you're runnin' outta gas, you need a healin' word! Son of a gun, you need a healin' word!
Ridin' into town at the end of the day, I got nothin' left to do and nothin' left to say. I got no more spell—no more energy left— Only one little thing that is left to suggest: Oooooh Song of Rest.
The Player's Handbook... Page one hundred and eighty-three... Let's learn about suffocation... "A creature can hold its breath for a number of minutes equal to 1 + its constitution modifier (minimum 30 seconds)" The earth record holder is Budimir Šobat whose record is 24 minutes and 11 seconds... He must’ve made a pact with a mermaid... Branko Petrović is the real hero—he holds the unaided record at 11 minutes and 54 seconds... *The More You Know*
Faerie Fire, outline my target: Let me aim my strike with ease.
What has a broad leaf and network of veins? Dicots! Dicots! What has vascular bundles in rings? Dicots! Dicots! What has two separate seed pod leaves? Dicots! Dicots! What has pedals is multiples of three? No, dude, that's monocotyledons.
Creeping, crawling, shrieking, moaning, Something draws near. Scratching, biting, rending, clawing, I am your darkest fear.
Fists of lightning! Legs of thunder! Get your butt outta here or it's you I'll shatter!
Grundledore is the best! He is better than all the rest! He fills me with happiness! I could never love him less!
Go to sleep. Go to sleep. When you wake, you shall have all the rest you could ask for.
As thunder rolls across the plains Chasing a lightning flash And nature stands in silent fear of events that soon will pass The armies of hell are swelling now to enact their heinous plan The tattered army of King Cilaud makes their final stand The demon hoard's just one assault from ravaging the meek As a shadow spreads across the field cast from the mountain peak Lord Falcon! Enemy of evil and the vile Lord Falcon! Banisher of wickedness for miles Falcon sits astride his steed looming oh so large. His warriors are at his side as they begin to charge To turn the battle just in time against the demon horde A thousand of the bravest men riding unicorns! Lord Falcon! Enemy of evil and the vile Lord Falcon! Banisher of wickedness for miles
Don’t die on me, baby!
You can do anything You can do anything You can succeed at the current task that you’re trying to do.
Look into the pretty lights, Look into my bardic eyes, Where you don’t have to move at all.
I go through the dimension door Suddenly I’m over there!
Clouds of daggers, Shards of metal in the air! Clouds of daggers, Nothing can survive in there.


This is a collection of spell songs from our guest bards as well as some other silly tunes we created for the podcast. This is a growing album, so keep checking back!


released August 27, 2018

Brayton Batson, Edd Batson, Emi Eisenfeld, and Victron Funkensein.
(photo by pixabay)


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Bardic Mystery Tour Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We're a band of bards solving mysteries when we're out on tour. We promise that you won't get bored. It's the Bardic Mystery Tour! (Liveplay 5e DnD Podcast.)

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