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Gelatinous Rudeboi (feat. Sam Hurst & Jon Stefaniak)

from From Chelsea by Bardic Mystery Tour

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lyrics

We’re traveling in this forest (it’s not a forest)
Join along in the chorus (there is no chorus)
We’re traveling in this mine (my friends and I)
Use the buddy system (don’t get left be-hind)

When you’re in a dark hall, better look out son,
There’s a monster down here so you gotta run
If your party’s full of gnomes it will eat you all
‘Cause this ravenous jelly is ten feet tall

Ya gotta learn how to monetize
Things that you just might find
beasts of all shapes and kinds
Deep in the dwarven mines

Don’t run away and don’t be rash
Ya gotta take note how it cleans the path
It’s not a black pudding or an ochre ooze
It’s just your friendly neighborhood gelatinous cube

Just dig a big pit and lure it down
It can eat all the waste of a dwarven town
It gobbles up garbage and keeps rats away
Just keep it well fed or it’ll ruin your day

Ya gotta learn how to monetize
Things that you just might find
beasts of all shapes and kinds
Deep in the dwarven mines

It clears stone surfaces of mold and muck
But if you’re not careful you’ll be outta luck
You don’t have to be quick when you try to dodge
Cause it’s got a slow moving pseudopod

When I say Gelatinous you say Cube
Gelatinous (cube)
Gelatinous (cube)

First wave, third wave, two-tone, too
That boy can’t skank, but that boy is Rude
He don’t like progressive rock or delta blues
He needs that one-drop beat and that Lloyd Knibb Groove

Now there’s a real cool cat
With a pork pie hat
He’s my pelican friend named Jimmy Piss
When I put him on the mic he sounds like this

*Jimmy skats here*

Hey
Let me go

Always take a torch ‘cuz they don’t like light
They hang out in the dark ‘cuz they ain’t too bright
Be sure to take a buddy when you go inside
Of a cave so you don’t get eaten alive

We traveled in this mine (I got it right this time)
If you sang at least one line (you did just fine)
We traveled in this mine (my friends and I)
We used the buddy system (didn’t get left behind)

credits

from From Chelsea, released September 1, 2019
Brayton, Edd, Emi, Sam, Jon, and Grundledore all worked on this song.

license

all rights reserved

tags

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Bardic Mystery Tour Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We're a band of bards solving mysteries when we're out on tour. We promise that you won't get bored. It's the Bardic Mystery Tour! (Liveplay 5e DnD Podcast.)

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