I'm not a villain
I'm not a creep
I'm not a cretin
If you call me names I'll get you where you sleep
I'm a polymath
Doctor of philosophy
I'm a scholar
A meister of epistemology

You see these brains don't go to waste
Preserved in brine to enhance their taste
I'm not crazy about the texture
But damn did you taste that lecture?

I'm not a hoarder
I'm not a pack rat
I'm not a miser
So don't you call me names like that
I'm a collector
Searching for perfection
I'm a preserver
Curating my macabre collection

You see these brains don't go to waste
Preserved in brine to enhance their taste
I'm mean no condescension
For you clumsy comprehension

The tadpole of legend
I've got vile intentions
I climbed to the top
By consuming my brethren
My mighty cerebellum
With four purple flagellum
Can out think thanks to
My thick corpus callosum
When it comes to logic
I've already thought it,
Mental exercises that could
Topple an acropolis.
Bishop or Priestess or
Caliph or Abbess
Your puny minds will crumble
When you duel my hulking consciousness

You see these brains don't go to waste
Preserved in brine to enhance their taste
As you stumble over common phonics
I'm slurping rhymes in lines of Qualith

I've got and architect
And an astronomer
I've got an alchemist and
I've even got an orc philosopher
I assure you there's assent for my assemblage
Don't let the acquisition cause you any Umbridge

You see these brains don't go to waste
Preserved in brine to enhance their taste
I'm a synapse snob, myself
With a soft spot for brilliant elves

You see these brains don't go to waste
Preserved in brine to enhance their taste
You seem clever enough, my friend
But this song—it has to end