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Staph's Spell Songs

by Staph

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Come out swinging You know you're the king A little self confidence And you can do anything
I met myself a warrior He was spry and he was quick He gave to me this rapier and he taught me all its tricks A powerful attack is the best kind of defense Now when I meet a foe then they meet their bitter end
Cure Wounds 00:25
If you've been hit Point me to the painful bit By the power of this spell I'll cure your wounds and make you well
Inside your head I cannot wait To see the extent of Your mistakes Try to hide What you know you ought But I see inside With Detect Thoughts
Message 00:19
I've got something to say But you're so far away I've gotta let you know So I'll cast message now
If you've been hit Point me to the painful bit By the power of this spell I'll cure your wounds and make you well ... And if you're nearby I'll be your favorite guy I'll heal you up quick With this secret paladin trick
So you can read!? I couldn't care! Keep your eyes on your own paper! If you don't, I don't give a shit. I'll befuddle you with illusory script.
Light 00:26
Baby there's some darkness all around Take my hand and I'll guide you through the night
Heat Metal 00:31
First you start to sweat as I turn up the heat Breath in the smell Of sweet seared meat Braise Broil Roast Sear In a pot or kettle Anywhere Heat Metal
I've got five questions for you Try to see what you went through five chances to get to know the real you I've got a means to an end casting spells to speak with dead
Detect Magic 00:26
You've got something good, and I've got to have it. You can't hide it from me. Detect magic. There's a power inside. I gotta classify it. Tell me your school. Detect magic.
Mending 00:24
If It breaks before it bends I'm here to mend it whole again
I learned to summon a fey from a druid I met along the way Kitty keeps the monsters back and stops melee attacks that's why I'm still alive today
Suggestion 00:19
Out of left field like it's no big deal Do what I say 'cause you know I'm for real It's just like Inception. You'll never question. Follow instructions when I cast suggestion.
Confusion 00:25
You're gonna question everything that you know Cerebral suppression... let's give it a go Your attention is starting to slow I cast confusion; you can't tell friend from foe
L E O M U N D apostrophe S Leoumund's got a tiny hut and it's big enough for all of us.
You're snarling You're bearing your teeth Constantly snacking on player meat You're a kitty, though you think you're a lion I'll charm you monster. Put you on a diet.
You try to hide from me through your magic means I'm not tricked easily even though you are unseen Now you are clear to me. Don't you know I can see Invisibility!
It heals all It saves all It helps all It lifts my team up off the ground Mass Cure Wounds Yeah!
From the depths of my darkest hour I reach inside for my eldritch power
It's not a Fire Bolt or Acid Splash Thorn Whip or Thunderclap Ray or Frost or Shocking Grasp My secret weapon is a spell called Eldritch Blast
Listen up, Bealze-cubs 'Cause you're all about to die In the arms of an Old One Dark star in the sky Arms Hadar
Eyebite 00:20
Blackened eyes; It's not a fist fight Scared and sick; you're asleep in my sight This time around, I think I might Eyebite Eyebite Eyebite Eyebite Eyebite Eyebite
Song of Rest 00:52
Put your weapons down As we all gather around Don't make a peep Try to sleep We're all restin' bards now


This album contains the spell songs of Staph for the Bardic Mystery Tour podcast. It will grow as Staph learns and uses more spells, so keep checking back!


released May 25, 2020

brayton batson


all rights reserved



Bardic Mystery Tour Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

We're a band of bards solving mysteries when we're out on tour. We promise that you won't get bored. It's the Bardic Mystery Tour! (Liveplay 5e DnD Podcast.)

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